Life Before the Dead
by Secret Life of Writing
Summary: "I...I just don't know what it's like." AJ looked up at everyone from his spot on the ground. "All of you do, but I don't." He stared down at his lap. "I don't remember a time before monsters."


**Hey everyone!**

**So this story was inspired by the song "Life Before the Dead" by Bonecage. I think it's an awesome song and their other music videos are pretty good too. Love their songs about the walking dead. If you guys are interested I think you should check it out. watch?v=p_So2NptreM**

* * *

"What's wrong, AJ?"

"I...I just don't know what it's like." AJ looked up at everyone from his spot on the ground. "All of you do, but I don't." He stared down at his lap. "I don't remember a time before monsters."

"You know what, little dude? It's okay that you don't. Believe me, the world before this one was pretty shitty." Louis said, giving him a reassuring smile.

AJ smiled at Louis's words but it quickly faded back into a frown. "It'd still be nice to not have monsters walking around." He said sadly.

Everyone kind of looked around and glanced at each other not sure how to respond. The peaceful silence now replaced with thick tension at a lack of a response. So Louis decided to speak up. "And that feels like a good place to call it."

"We should finish up our work, anyway. It's getting dark." Violet told everyone as Ruby approached. "You finish your lookout shift?"

Ruby nodded. "Yep. Clementine's got it after me. Ya ready?" The redhead asked the girl in the baseball cap.

Clem nodded standing up to head to her shift.

"Can I come?" AJ asked looking expectantly towards her.

Clem's mind went to the conversation they had just recently gone through. AJ was right. He's never known anything besides surviving. This made her change her mind at the last second. "Er...um...I got it AJ. I think you should get some sleep before tomorrow. Alright?" Even if surviving was a part of their lives now, she didn't want to force it down his throat. If AJ didn't have to be on lookout, she'd rather give him a break than tier him out with work he didn't need to be doing. "Then we can get up really early and go fishing."

AJ gave a disappointed look, but nodded. "Oh, okay. Goodnight Clem." He said before leaving to head to the dorms.

"Night kiddo," Clem told him. She hated the look of disappointment on his face at being told he couldn't come with her but told herself it was fine.

Violet wore a confused look, wondering what got Clem to shut down his offer to help, but shrugged it off at Louis's words. "I'm on piano duty." He said, getting Violet to give him an eye roll. "What? I've got to get in some practice before one of you decides to chop it into firewood."

Violet shook her head. "Whatever." Then she turned to Clem. "I want to check out our defenses. I'll come help you once I'm done."

Clem nodded in response. "Thanks."

Violet sent her a small smile before walking away. Leaving Clem alone to climb the ladder to the lookout post. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Clem sat on the wooden platform in silence as she stared out into the darkness of the woods. Her left foot dangled off the edge while her other leg was folded in front of her. Clem's head rested against a wooden post that made up the railing of the platform. She could have been mistaken for being asleep except for the light tapping she did with her finger against the wooden beam and the slight swinging of her leg that she did as she looked out into the forest lost in thought. A few walkers roamed in the distance. There forms dark and blurry amongst the trees, but still able to make out in the low light of the moon.

She was so lost in thought she failed to hear Violet silently scaling the ladder behind her. Only when Violet moved to sit next to her did she move her head to acknowledge the blonde's presence. "Hey." Came Violet's voice.

"Hey," Clem said going back to watching the walkers stumble around the darkened forest. A breeze blew past sending chills up her spine at the cold, a few loose curls blowing against her face but she was to busy thinking to care.

Violet stared at her girlfriend leaning back on her hands for support, she knew that look. "What's wrong?" Violet knew the conversation from before had bothered her, but she was going to let Clem talk when she was ready.

Clem glanced at Violet without an answer before turning back to watch the walkers. She counted about nine of them in the distance, their shadowy figures barely moving as if they were slow dancing through the forest as soft moans and growls escaped their mouths. They sat in silence for about twenty more seconds till Clem finally spoke up. "He's right you know." She didn't bother to look at Violet as she said it.

Violet gave her a questioning look before she pieced the puzzle together. "This is about AJ, isn't it?"

Clem nodded as she mindlessly fiddled with the laces on her boot. She sighed as she placed her hands in her lap. "He's never known anything besides surviving. A world filled with walkers and assholes wanting to kill us."

Violet nodded understanding. "Yeah. He sure knows how to handle himself, that's for sure."

They sat in silence for another few minutes until Clem broke her train of thought. "I can still remember life before the storm, before everything that happened. After school, I'd spend my time lying in the front room watching TV on the floor."

Violet smiled at Clem's memory. "My family lived in a trailer, where'd you live?"

Clem smiled at the thought, as images flooded her mind. "I lived in a house, with my mom and dad. Fence around it. Big backyard." She shifted so she could face Violet better, her arm wrapped around one of the wood posts. "I can still remember sleeping in my bed, my parents had painted my bedroom walls with flowers and I had this little white bookcase, though the memories are starting to fade a bit."

"What kinds of books did you read?" Violet asked wanting to learn more about the brunette and her life before the world went to shit. She gave Clem her full attention.

Clem let out a slight chuckle. "Well, one of my favorites was about this family of kids living in an old abandoned boxcar in the woods. Then it turned out they had this rich grandfather who took them to live in his mansion."

Violet gave her a smile along with a light chuckle. "You got a rich grandpa who'll take us away from all this?"

She was only joking, but it seemed to bring down Clem's mood. She gave a sigh and stared down at the wood planks beneath them, tracing her finger along the groves in the wood. "I wish. I'd give anything for AJ to just have one day to live like a normal kid. He doesn't have any memories from before like we do." She looked back out at the walkers silently counting them again finding twelve this time. "I still remember the day he was born. A mother and her child as gunshots echoed through a cold and bitter wild. His mom died only a few days after he was born. I've basically been taking care of him since he was born. I remember the first time I held him, the way Rebecca taught me how to cradle his head."

She felt her eyes start to water as she looked over at Violet. "Some-sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Half the time, I feel like I don't even know what to do. I-I don't know if I'm the right person to raise him."

Violet placed her hand over Clem's, sending the younger girl a small smile. "He's lucky to have someone like you. Someone that can raise him right."

"Not everything I taught him was right. I failed at the one thing I was supposed to do." Clem told her feeling worthless.

"No, you didn't. You taught him everything he needed to know about how to survive." Her girlfriend tried to persuade her.

"He shot Marlon." Clem flatly stated.

Violet shook her head. "Stop, that wasn't your fault. AJ saw a threat and reacted. He did it to protect you, to protect both of you. Marlon was going to kill you." She tried to reason with her.

"I still taught him all the rules." Clem shot back, starting to feel frustrated with herself. "Never go alone, always aim for the head. I taught him every damn thing he knows. Speak softly so the walkers don't hear you. How the dead move slowly because they've got nowhere to go." She sighed and shook her head looking back at the Deadheads. "The dead don't know they're dead... but we do"

"Clem, you taught him how to survive. You did what you had to do. That's all that matters." Violet tried to reassure her.

"We survived for years on the road, but that's not the same as living, Vi." She folded her arms and rested them on top of her knees. "We could survive forever and never live a single day." She shook her head. "That's why I'm hoping we can finally have a home, that this can be a home. With you and Louis and everyone else. I-I wish that I could give AJ the memory of a life. I wish I could show him what it means to be a c-child."

She felt her voice starting to break as tears built up at the edges of her eyes. "Sometimes I ask myself...Did I do a good job?" A few tears slipped past and started their way down the sides of her face as she looked to her girlfriend.

Violet's eyes widened. "What are you talking about!? Of course, you did!" She told her. Violet moved closer to the girl and wrapped an arm around her shoulder in a slight hug. Clem turned and surrendered to Violet's touch, burring her face into the blonde's shoulder.

"Your amazing, Clem. I don't know how you do it, but you managed to survive through it all... and with a kid no less." Violet said, the two still in a tight embrace. "Now because of you, we don't have to worry about raiders, because of you...AJ has a home, you have a home. We all do."

"That's all I've ever wanted for him, to find a place we could call home," Clem said as she released her hold on her girlfriend.

Violet brought a hand up to cup her face, slowly stroking her cheek with her thumb. "And you did just that." Then Violet leaned in and kissed her.

* * *

The sun was just starting to rise, rays of orange filtering in through the cracks in the boarded up window as Clem stepped into her and AJ's room. A slight chill in the air from the cool night transitioning into day, the sun slowly trying to bring back it's warmth. She walked up to the side of AJ's bed and smiled at the sight of him peacefully sleeping, his disco broccoli toy clutched in his arms. She didn't want to wake him but knew he'd be upset if they left without him. She gently shook his shoulder.

AJ started to stir and his eyes fluttered open, a yawn emitting from him as he sat up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he looked up at Clem. "Time to go?" He asked tiredly.

Clem nodded. "Yep. Time to go fishing. Violet's waiting outside for us."

AJ smiled excitedly, eager to try spearfishing again. He pushed himself off the bed, feet landing on the floor with a thud. "Come on! I want to get there fast so I have more time to practice!" He went running out the door but Clem's voice caused him to stop.

"AJ!?" She called after him in a wavering voice.

The younger of the two looked back at his guardian seeing the apprehension in Clem's face, concern flooding through him as Clem approached. But she surprised him when she knelt down and hugged him tightly. "What's wrong, Clem?"

She let a smile overtake her face. "N-nothings wrong, I just..." She gave a deep sigh. "I love you, kiddo." She said holding him tighter.

AJ grinned and hugged her back. "I love you too, Clem."

A few minutes later Clem pulled away and stood back up. She smiled down at him. "Alright, come on. We've got some fish to catch."

* * *

**So this didn't turn out quite how I wanted it to. I feel like I could have done better. ****But that's just how I feel.**** I don't know? Let me know what you guys think.**

**If Louis were here right now he'd say, "That's a B+ performance there, Jess. You've done better."**

**Hope you guys liked this anyway.**

**Secret Life of Writing Out! :)**

**And just a heads up, the next chapter of Shaded In will be out soon. Don't worry I haven't forgotten about it. ;)**


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